Will you ever find "the one"?

We see and hear about it everywhere. We just don’t recognize it. It’s become ordinary for us. From being the focus of Disney movies to modern romantic films and completely dominating most forms of our culture’s entertainment, the search for the perfect spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/mate has been manually infused in us. Society portrays this search for the perfect partner, often called “the one”, as something, if achieved, will bring perfect happiness and peace for the rest of your life. Remember the phrase: and they lived happily ever after? I’m sure you do. This unfulfilled longing of the human desire is just further evidence towards the gap that is left unfilled due to the absence of Jesus. The funny thing is, and this will probably be offensive to you, but I don’t think you’ll ever find the perfect partner or “the one”. I’m going to give you two main reasons why. And just as a bit of a disclaimer, my opinion isn't perfect. I don’t have decades of relationship experience. But I have seen many relationships fail. And I've watched closely to how culture portrays this phenomenon.  

The first reason I don’t ever think you’ll find the perfect one is because it doesn't make sense logically. Let’s take some woman, 1000 years ago for example. If she made a mistake and didn't marry the “one”, then it would be forever messed up. She would have married someone else’s “one”. And she would have left herself unavailable to be the “one” for some other guy. If one person messes the cycle up, then its messed up for everyone else for the rest of eternity. Do you see what I’m saying? If one person messes up the cycle and marries another person’s “one”, then other people after them would be marrying other people’s “one’s” and it would get all messed up.

The second reason I don’t ever think you’ll find the perfect one is because the perfect One already came. You’ll never find the man to solve all your problems. It’s because He already came 2000 years ago. His name is Jesus. He came to give you life, and life to fullest. Jesus will give you peace and solve your problems. If we idolize some guy or girl, we place an unfair burden of expectation on them to fill that only Jesus can fill. They will never be good enough and you’ll never be satisfied fully with them. If they had only done a bit better, or served a bit more, they would have been perfect-no-they’ll never be perfect. It puts way too much pressure on the other person. Usually the girl has this ideal of finding the perfect one….but if you count on this ideal that only Jesus can satisfy, and you put a burden on this guy that he cannot hold.  No matter how much he serves you or how good he treats you, you always want him to be a little bit higher. A little bit better. We are only humans-we’ll never be perfect. Only Jesus is perfect. So for guys and girls...in dating it’s less about finding the one, and preparing yourself to be the one. And honestly, it’s a lazy thing. We don’t want to change because all of their attributes fit well with ours. They work well with our schedule. If we want to see the fruit of a relationship, we need to work on letting Jesus get ahold of our hearts. And this will be hard because really, dating is more to make us holy, that it is happy...and to make us look more like Him.

So don’t deal with this pressure of maybe choosing the wrong “one”. Because if you do get in a relationship with that supposed “one”, and they mess up, you’ll be extremely hurt and maybe even a little depressed. It’s because you’re really a slave to this ideal-that they will constantly be perfect. So take your identity from Jesus and realize that Jesus wants to be in a relationship with you. Don’t be attached to the other person as your identity. I totally believe that if you’re in church community, you’re growing, not in any unrepentant sin, have a group of mentors, and walking with Jesus, you have freedom to just pick. The worst part of this whole false ideal is that because your standard is so high, you miss good Godly people already in your life that could end up being a good partner on the mission God has called you to. So remember…dating isn't so much about finding the “right one”, but treating that person with love and grace.